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Catalog | Cast Recording | I Love You Because

 I Love You Because CD Image

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Album Release Date:
 October 3, 2006


what the critics are saying
 


“Infectiously entertaining! Terrific, refreshing fun...filled with wit and zest!”
–The New York Times


“Everything an off-Broadway musical should be...a charming piece of work that will send you home smiling.”
–The Wall Street Journal


“Stop worrying, for the moment, about the current health of the musical theatre. The authors of I Love You Because provide fervent hope for the future of the earnest, irony-free romantic musical comedy.”
–Talkin' Broadway


I Love You Because
Original Cast Recording
A Modern Day Musical Love Story


Another Saturday Night in New York

AUSTIN:
Dear Catherine, Life is like a see-saw. It's a lot more fun with someone else.
Oh, that's good. She's gonna love that. I am a master of greeting card writing! And right on time.

Brush my teeth in the shower.
Shampoo twice.
Clean and primp for an hour.
Old Spice is nice.
Then I’m off to Catherine’s.
I knock on her door,
Right on time like I have every Saturday before.
She’s my angel in white.
Another Saturday night in New York.

Then we’re off to have dinner,
Drink some fine wine.

ENSEMBLE:
Ooooh, wah, wah, wah, wah.

AUSTIN
Every night i’m the winner.
Catherine is mine.

ENSEMBLE:
Shoobie doobie doo wah, wah, wah, wah

AUSTIN
I’m flying so high,
That i can’t see the ground.
They can see me all the way
Down the Long Island sound
Our future is bright.

AUSTIN and ENSEMBLE
Another Saturday night in New York.

ENSEMBLE
This city’s funny.
When you’re in love everything seems perfect.
Cabbies honk their horns
Together in a perfect symphony, ee, ee.

JEFF AND NYC MAN
You tip your hat to
All the ladies and they smile at you.

JEFF
Every “up yours”

NYC WOMAN
And “screw you”

DIANA
And “watch it jerk”

ENSEMBLE
Are in perfect harmony.

AUSTIN
Stop right here, buy some flowers,
Just like last week.

NYC MAN
Yankees won last night,
And the night before.

AUSTIN
For the next couple hours,
Somewhere that’s chic.

NYC WOMAN
Billy Joel says he might go back on tour.

AUSTIN
All is perfect.
What could go wrong?
When I die can I
Bring the whole city along?
For this Manhattanite
Another Saturday night in New York.

ENSEMBLE
Catherine’s waiting.

NYC MAN
Let’s go!

ENSEMBLE
Ever since you two first started dating,
It has seemed like all of New York is
Laid out just for you oo, oo.
But then it changes
And all that you know rearranges.
And you start to think
That it all almost sounded
Too good to be true?

AUSTIN
Another Saturday night in New York!

ENSEMBLE
Another Saturday night.
Another Saturday night.

Another Saturday night.
Another Saturday night.
Another Saturday night.
Another Saturday night.
Another Saturday night.
Another Saturday night.
Another Saturday night.
ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT IN NEW YORK!
AUSTIN

I’ll be with Catherine
For the rest of my life.
Woah, woah.

I’ll be with Catherine for the rest of my life.

Another Saturday night!
ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT IN NEW YORK!


Oh What A Difference


JEFF
Austin,
Look at you.
You’re a mess.
You want Catherine back, for some reason, I guess.
Well here’s how…

AUSTIN
How?

JEFF
Pretend you couldn’t care less.

AUSTIN
Have you met me? You think I can just move on that easily?

JEFF
You want her back
Now don’t you bro?

AUSTIN
Um, yes.

JEFF
Then there's just one thing
You need to know.

AUSTIN
Which is?

JEFF
Forget her.
Boom! Kaput! She’s gone!
Women come back.
When you move on.

They’re fed up with you.
They list all the things that you lack.
So you go out, find someone new.
Guess what? Now they want you back.
That’s all it takes.
Oh what a difference
A little indifference makes.

AUSTIN
Jeff, it can't possibly be that easy. Don't you think more people would know about it?

JEFF
You see that guy
Cry in his beer.
A girl walks up,
Blows in his ear.
Next thing, she’s
Taking off her clothes.
His ex has moved on.
But trust me, she knows.

She says, “Let’s screw. No strings.”
He stammers, “Okay,” through his shock.
Suddenly his cell phone rings.
It’s her and she just wants to talk.
That’s all it takes.
Oh what a difference
A little indifference makes.

So come on Austin,
Let’s hit the town.
Go somewhere loud.
We’ll both get plowed.
Hey! It’s Jeff! I won’t let you down.
Oh, come on Austin.
She’s a memory just let it fade.
We’ll get each others’ backs.
Let loose! Relax!
Who knows? You might even get laid.

AUSTIN
I don’t know Jeff.

JEFF
Come on Austin. If you go out, have fun, somewhere Catherine will sense that you’re happy and come running back. They have a sick sense.

AUSTIN
Sixth.

JEFF
Sick.
So let’s go out
Forget the past.
C’mon please?

AUSTIN
Austin and Jeff,
Back together at last.

JEFF
That’s what I’m talking about!
Listen, it's me.
I’ll get us dates.

AUSTIN
Hey, I know this bar
That Catherine hates.

JEFF
Do what we used to do.
But look, Catherine’s back for more.

AUSTIN
I’ll say, “My God, You’re back. It’s you.
Catherine, have you met the door?”

JEFF
Yeah that’s all it takes.

AUSTIN AND JEFF
Oh what a difference

AUSTIN
What an itty bitty difference,

JEFF
What a whole life changing difference,

AUSTIN AND JEFF
A little indifference makes.

The Actuary Song

DIANA
Take your relationship length or RL.
First year of RL
Is worth six months recovery.
The second year is worth exactly half that.
Now don’t you laugh at
This brilliant discovery.
Each year is worth
One half the lack of mirth
The year before was worth.
Your aches and pains will soon diminish.
So rebound time, RT,
Is the fraction of a year
It takes for pain to disappear.
You go through RT, and then finish.
Your rt is important,
And it really can’t be shortened,
No matter what you do,
Don’t even try.

MARCY
What if I…

DIANA
So you can date around, but then
Those guys will just be rebound men.
That’s what rebound time is all about.
And it’s as simple as that.

MARCY
So i give it time,
Then find the one.
I’m gonna go out and I’ll get him
Once my rebound time is done.
I have this picture in my mind
It’s as clear as black and white.
He’ll be everything i’ve ever dreamed of.
I’m gonna find Mr. Right.
Yes?

DIANA
No. We still need to figure out your rebound time. Are you following me so far?

MARCY
Yes. No.

DIANA
Some factors can make
A relationship feel long,
Like how right the break up felt
Or the way that things went wrong.
If you ask me it’s plain to see,
That there are three things to consider
When it’s all to be configurated.
Your RL it can change,
I know it may sound strange,
But what matters is how long
That it feels like you dated.
The new RL,
we’ll call adjusted RL,
or just ARL.
and it’s the ARL that changes with
One!
What number boyfriend was he?
Was it low or was it high?
Also known as the number boyfriend index,
Or the NBI.
This matters, it does.
And it’s four, divided by three,
Plus the number boyfriend that he was.
Two!
The who broke up with whom constant,
The WBUWWC. you with me?
If he dumped you, you multiply by five fourths.
If you dumped him you multiply by three fourths.
And number Three!
The bitterness factor
Rate the bitterness of the breakup
On a scale of one to ten.
You take that number Divide by point five, and then
You get the BF.
And it’s as simple as that

MARCY
So what’s my rebound time?

DIANA
Well, you actually dated for two years, he was your 27th boyfriend, based on how you are reacting to the breakup I’d say the bitterness is about a five. So, plug it in…dit dit dit…
Carry the one…and…it’s like you dated for a year.

MARCY
You know it felt like that.

DIANA
Exactly. Putting your rebound time at six months. Officially.

MARCY
Isn’t that what I said five minutes ago?

DIANA
But now it’s proven.

MARCY
I’ll give it time.
But first I have to find
Someone who’s flawed,
Structured and boring.

He’ll have warts of every kind.
I’ll give it time,
But then leave Mr. Rebound behind.

 

 

I’ll give it time.
Otherwise I’ll be sure
To go back to the cycle.
that I’ve cycled through before.
I’m sure it won’t be pleasant,
But I’ll stand strong.

So to find Mr. Right
In the next six months,
I’m gonna find Mr. Wrong.

DIANA
You bet you will.
Don’t blow it.
When I was in my rebound time
I blew it and I knew it.
I blew it, God I blew it.
I blew it and I knew it.
Super warty!
Warty, warty, warty, warty,
Warty, warty, warty!
He’ll have a bump,
Live in a dump,
Be such a chump,
That if you hump,
You’ll need a penis pump.
You’re gonna give it time.
Otherwise you’ll be sure,
To go back to the cycle
That you’ve cycled through before.

But you’ll stand strong.
And I swear I will be there,
No matter where,
Because I care.
We are a pair,
And we will share
The wear and tear.
In the next six months,
You’re gonna find Mr. Wrong.

… But I Don’t Want to Talk About Her

AUSTIN
I write poetry.
Romance usually.
I’m very romantic,
But…But wait!
I’m tough too,
A romantic tough guy,
Sorta like Rock Hudson,
But straight.

This one time,
I wrote a poem for my ex-girlfriend.
She said,
“That’s the best thing I’ve ever read.”
And she’s read poets.
Yeah, Yeats, Cummings, you name it.
She has all these guys,
Bouncing round her head.

MARCY
She sounds great.

AUSTIN
She has insight that I swear
Could win a Pulitzer prize.
There’s a genius in her mind,
That truly sparkles through her eyes.
She’s so smart
Being near her
Makes your intelligence rise.
But I don’t want to talk about her.

AUSTIN
So, what do you do?

MARCY
I’m a photographer.

AUSTIN
Wow, okay. What kind of stuff do you do?

MARCY
I try to capture the beauty of the human spirit.

AUSTIN
Hmm.
Speaking of beauty,
That reminds me of my ex-girlfriend.
She was gorgeous,
But she never really knew it.
She had this smile,
I swear to God you were blessed
If you had one chance to view it.

She had a look
That could inspire symphonies.
Or cause the most stubborn men
To have epiphanies.
She’s as enchanting as Hepburn
In Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
But I don’t want to talk about her.

MARCY
So, you have an ex-girlfriend?

AUSTIN
I don’t want to talk about her.

MARCY
Oh, right. Sorry. There are some things I don’t want to talk about either.

AUSTIN
Okay, like what?

 

MARCY
I don’t want to talk about
The fact that I
Can’t seem to meet a single guy
Who meets all my desires.

AUSTIN
That’s fine we could talk about…

MARCY
I don’t want to talk about
How many men
Have claimed that they would be the one
And it turns out they’re all liars.

AUSTIN
Now Marcy, that’s not really…

MARCY
I don’t want to talk about
The day when I
Experimented with my girlfriend
And I almost came out.

AUSTIN
We could talk about that if you really want to…

MARCY
But there’s always something missing
No matter where I search
But that’s not what I want to talk about.

AUSTIN
Man, you’re kind of a whiner.

MARCY
I’m sorry, but wasn’t it you who spent the first half of this conversation talking about your ex-girlfriend?

AUSTIN
How dare you
Bring up the topic
Of my ex-girlfriend.
Who’s gorgeous and brilliant, by the way.
You know I'm trying not to think about it, and you throw it in my face.
Now I’m all upset and that’s the 15th time today.
I'm not the type
Who runs or who hides.
I follow my plan.
I follow my guides.
you’re wrong.
I know we’ll
Be together forever
Besides!
I don’t want to talk about her.
MARCY
Yeah but you…What?

Yeah, I heard.


Throw it?

Less than I would’ve guessed.

I see.

No matter how misguided they may be.




Obviously.
 



Coffee

MARCY
If I added cream to your coffee.
You’d have a panic attack.
Just add a little cream.
Just a little dab of cream.

AUSTIN
No!

MARCY
That’s why you take your coffee black.

Oooo, look at you and your thermous.

AUSTIN
What?

MARCY
The one over there on the floor.
Did you bring it from home?
You brought it from home!
You had it when you walked in the door!

AUSTIN
Big deal.
I know how I like my coffee.
‘Cause I’ve got ways I get things done.
I could sit here and list ‘em,
‘cause I’ve got a system.
And maybe it’s not crazy fun.
But it works for me and my coffee.
It moves me right along.
There’s a neat logic to it.
It’s just how I do it.
If you think that it’s stupid you’re wrong.
So Marcy, if you don’t mind, I really am incredibly busy…

MARCY
Freeze.

AUSTIN
What?

MARCY
Say cheese.

AUSTIN
Agh!
So how do you take your coffee?

MARCY
Well, that depends on when.

AUSTIN
What?

MARCY
I ask the barista.
It’s up to the barista.

AUSTIN
Don’t ever say barista again.

Doesn’t he find out your fav’rite?
Doesn’t that hurt your device?

MARCY
No he never does.
You know why he never does?
I never go to the same place twice.

AUSTIN
What?

MARCY
I never go to the same place twice.

AUSTIN
Yeah but…

MARCY
‘Cause I know how I like my coffee.
And I’ve got ways to keep things new.
I am always exploring,
So life’s never boring.
Well, not as boring as you.
So being crazy with coffee
Is a useful skill to hone.
You don’t have to deride it,
Perhaps if you tried it
You wouldn’t be drinking alone.

AUSTIN
I’m gonna get Catherine back.

MARCY
Austin, she’s going to think you’re insane.

AUSTIN
Catherine, hi. How are you? I’m fine. Listen. I know things have been tough, I want to say something. Life is like a pickle.
It starts off smooth, with no imperfections.
But as it ages,
Surrounded by other pickles,
It becomes something pregnant women crave.
And it craves them.
I love you.
Okay. Sure, fine. Yeah, I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye.

I’m sorry I made fun of your coffee.
You’re right. I’m wrong. You’re smart. I’m dumb.
Please be my cupid.
I’m hopeless. I’m stupid.
I’m worthless, no I am scum!

MARCY
And also, you’re covered in coffee.

AUSTIN
I know!

MARCY
Stop flipping out. It’s all okay.
This isn’t that tragic.
I’ll help you. I’m magic.
You just need to do what I say.

AUSTIN
I can’t believe you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

MARCY
I’ll call you tomorrow.

AUSTIN
I’m going to write you a thank you card like you’ve never read.

The Perfect Romance

WAITER
She gives suggestions
He'd rather skip.

WAITRESS
She left a fifty.

WAITER
He didn't tip.

WAITER AND WAITRESS
His style's truly tragic.
Her's is truly hip.
The perfect romance.

WAITER
He likes things simple,

WAITRESS
But she's complex.

WAITER
He follows structure,

WAITRESS
Which she rejects.
He's really only with her
Cause he wants back his ex.

WAITER AND WAITRESS
The perfect romance.

WAITER
They couldn't be less suited for each other.

WAITRESS
I completely agree,
But don't you see,
That's what makes them perfect
For one another.

WAITER
She'll try to teach him
All that she knows.

WAITRESS
They're good intentions.

WAITER
Oh, what are those?
They quickly all go bad
But sadly that's how it goes.

WAITER AND WAITRESS
The perfect romance.
The perfect romance.
The perfect romance.

Because of You

AUSTIN
Wow.
I let myself feel feelings
I don’t usually allow.
It felt exciting.
It felt scary.
None of my vocabulary
Can do justice to the way I feel right now.

AUSTIN
Did you see the look on that guy’s face when I took the carafe with us?

MARCY
That's not your wine! I'm an angry waiter! Mleh!

AUSTIN
I took off and sprinted
Straight through town.
When you got screwed
I didn't take it sitting down.
I did all sorts of things
I wouldn't usually do.
And it's all because of you.

Because of you.
Because of you.

MARCY
You just brought that restaurant
To its knees.
Now the whole world
Knows that waiter's not Chinese.
I didn't have to pay them
For my Szechwan tofu.
And it's all because of you.

Because of you.
Because of you.

AUSTIN
Because of you,
I acted out of line

MARCY
Because of you
We just stole some free boxed wine.

AUSTIN
Because of you I acted bravely

MARCY
And a little infantile.

AUSTIN AND MARCY
Because of you
I feel a way
That I have not felt in a while.

AUSTIN
I can’t believe that I got
In a drunken fight.

MARCY
You stood up for me,
When it wasn't polite.
Tonight, I had a good time
And that's a little disconcerting.

AUSTIN
Tonight, for just a moment
I forgot that I was hurting.
Tonight I felt free.

MARCY
You know, I sorta felt that too.

AUSTIN
And it's all because.

MARCY
It's all because.

We’re Just Friends

DIANA
We go out in the evening,
We catch a movie, dinner too.
We hang out with our buddies,
The way two good friends do.
We just say good night,
And that’s all right,
If that’s all right with you.

Friendship’s where this ends,
‘Cause we’re just friends.

JEFF
Who also make out.

DIANA
Friends are like an old shirt,
That always makes you smile.

JEFF
It makes you feel all fuzzy inside,
But it gets dirty once in a while.

DIANA
A friend does to you
What you do unto them,
Like Jesus recommends.

JEFF AND DIANA
And we want to be good boys and girls,
So that's why we're just friends…
With benefits.

DIANA
We each do our own thing.
‘Cause we're not daing, and that's fine.

JEFF
But every couple of evenings,
Our things will intertwine.

DIANA
If you’re friends, I guess,

JEFF
A little caress

DIANA
Or cunnilingus doesn’t cross the line.

JEFF
No!

DIANA AND JEFF
Friendship's where this ends,
‘Cause we’re just friends.

JEFF
Who use chocolate syrup on each other in ways you never thought of before.

DIANA
Sure!

JEFF
We’ll be honest when we’re in the bedroom.

DIANA
I’ll tell you if you’re too fast or too slow.

JEFF
Thank you!

JEFF AND DIANA
People say this way doesn’t work.
But I know that’s not so.

JEFF
If I suck, I wanna know!

DIANA AND JEFF
We will keep this our little secret.
Why explain what can’t be explained?
We don’t need a defense,
‘Cause this all makes perfect sense.
In fact, it’d be stranger if we abstained.

We won’t let this get weird.

JEFF
I’ll stand hard.

DIANA
I’ll stay resolved.

JEFF
I won’t take you for granted.

DIANA
I won’t get emotionally involved.

DIANA AND JEFF
I have lots of friendships, but this one transcends
All the ones in which I don’t get laid.
And that’s why we’re just friends…
With benefits.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
And that’s why we’re just friends…

DIANA
who see each other naked!

DIANA AND JEFF
La, la, la, la, la, la, la,
And that’s why we’re just friends,
Just friends,
Just friends,
Just…
Friends!

Maybe We Just Made Love

AUSTIN
I can’t let my romantic side get the better of me.
We’re just friends, who really like one another.
We just happened to end up doing what two
Really good friends do.
Like a crossword,
Or a puzzle,
Or each other.
Things aren’t any different now
Than they ever were before.
This doesn’t mean,
It couldn’t mean,
Anything more.

After Catherine
I never thought I could feel this way again.
She was my one and only,
And of those there can be only one.
But then what do I make of Catherine
Who forgets what we had back then?
I was her one and only,
But now it's ended. It's over. It's done.

Maybe I’m stupid
To hold on now to this ideal.
And maybe I’m crazy
To feel the things that I now feel.
But maybe, with Marcy,
I’ve found something real.
And maybe, maybe, maybe
Maybe we just made love.

That can’t be right.
There’s no way I could’ve recovered so fast.
She must just be a rebound.
Even Jeff said so, and he’s right.
I’m just setting myself up, yet again,
For a flawed romance that’ll never last.
This will never work out.
But what do I know? Who knows? It might.

Maybe I’m foolish
And deserve the pain that all this brings.
And maybe she’s using me,
And I’m imagining all these things.
Or maybe it’s a puppet show,
And I’m failing to see all the strings.
But maybe, maybe, maybe
Maybe we just made love.

How can a feeling this strong be wrong?
It can’t. emotion this pure must be right.
How can ignoring my gut be the best thing to do?
It can’t. I need her and I’m going to tell her so tonight.

Maybe I’m risking my whole life
And can't see what’s at stake
Or maybe I'm wreckless
And we’re running right towards more heartache
Maybe I’m wrong and we just made a huge mistake.
But maybe, maybe, maybe
I’m definitely positive
That maybe, maybe, maybe
Yes I’ve never been more certain
That maybe, maybe, maybe
Maybe we just made love.
We just made love.
We just made love.
We just made love.

Just Not Now

MARCY
Stop there Austin. Hold it. Freeze.
Give me a second. Would you, please?
You said a lot there.
And I'm just not there.
I need to think.
Your honesty is real and it appeals to my emotions.
Which is great but I’m sure
Now’s not the time for
Romantic notions.

I want true love some day,
But just not now.
A picket fence cliché,
But just not now.
How can I make you see
Though this feels right to me
Now's not the time to be
Quite where you are?
You’re here too soon.
And though i know it sounds unfair,
If you would wait for me,
I swear, I'll meet you there.
I need some time to heal.
And though your love seems real,
I’m not prepared to feel
The way you do.

Let’s take this time.
We’ll wait it out,
Or else we’ll crash and burn.
I’m lost and I don’t know
What true love’s all about.
Please give me time to learn.

I want so much to say,
“Okay I love you too.”
I will but not today.
You know. I know you do.
And though it's hard you must
Control your heart, and trust,
I want to be with you
Just not now.

Alone

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
Remember that night when I met you
When you both hung out here in the bar
I said to my friend there, “I bet you
Those two they won’t make it too far.”
He could have discussed any topic.
He could have chosen baseball, football, croquet.
So why’d he have to choose her?
What a lame pathetic loser.
You don’t need him anyway.

Alone.
You are better off.
Trust me it’s true.
You don’t need him there
To always care
About every little thing that you do.

Alone,
Means that your life plans
Aren’t always set in stone.
Trust me,
You’re better off alone.
Right?

MARCY
Yeah. Sure.

BARTENDER
Hey You ready to go?

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
This is my friend…

MARCY
Marcy.

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
Marcy. She’s rediscovering single-hood.

BARTENDER
Oh, welcome back.
Maybe one night you were thinking,
“I’ll stay in and give Neitchze a stab.
Then again I could just go out drinking
‘Til I puke in the back of a cab.”

MARCY
He would say, “Marcy, that’s stupid.
You are better than that.”

BARTENDER
But hey,
Now his opinion doesn’t matter
Go ahead and do the latter.
You don’t need him anyway.

BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS
Alone.
You do what you want
Never what he wants instead.

MARCY
Not up each night
In a stupid fight,
When the two of us should both should be in bed.

BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS
Alone
Means you never swoon
At the smell of his cologne.

MARCY
'Cause that’s just stupid.

BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS
You’re better off alone.

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
Right?

MARCY
Yeah, stupid Old Spice.

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
All right. We’re gonna get going. Good luck.

MARCY
Thanks for the advice.

BARTENDER
We work at a bar. We’re basically therapists who encourage you to drink. Good night.

MARCY
One day I might land a meeting
With a man who takes photos in France.
I don’t need someone begging and pleading,
“Honey stay and give our love a chance.”
I’ll go wherever I want to.
I won’t stay where I don‘t want to stay.
I’ll leave tomorrow or whenever
And I might just stay forever,
I don’t need him anyway.

Alone,
Means I'll never be
So blinded by romance.
I can act on a whim,
Not ahve to check with him,
Like, six or seven months in advance.

Alone,
Means you're never hurt.
That is what this night has shown.
I think it's clear to see
I'm better off alone.

I need him anyway,
More than any man I've ever known.
Feeling hurt with him
Is better
Than feeling free
Alone.

That’s What’s Gonna Happen

JEFF
The two of us will start off caring
All about this life we’re sharing.
You and I
Will be high
Upon the fumes of love.
You’ll laugh at my jokes.
We'll be as sweet as two cherry cokes.
And that's, that's what's gonna happen.

DIANA
Sounds wonderful.

JEFF
Then I’ll take you out to dinner
All the while my wallet’s thinner.
And I’ll yell,
“Where the hell
Did all my money go?”
But I’ll put off everything,
So I can save for a three-carat ring.
And that's, that’s what’s gonna happen.

DIANA
I don’t care about stuff like that.

JEFF
And I’ll be sure
That’s what I’m for.
‘Cause you bring me a joy you can’t buy or sell.
But one night, you’ll ask,
“Do you still love me?
‘Cause sometimes I can’t quite tell.”

DIANA
Now how do you know?

JEFF
So then I’m caught in this quandary,
‘Cause I touch your dirty laundry.
But that stuff
Is not enough
For you to know I care.
Inside I’ll blow like a bomb.
But outside, outside I’ll stay calm.
And that’s, that's what’s gonna happen.

DIANA
Well, maybe if you opened up more…

AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
But then one fateful day

JEFF
Hey guys!

AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
He’ll try to walk away,

JEFF
That’s right!

AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
Despite…

JEFF
My misgivings,

TAKEOUT GUY
Second thoughts

AUSTIN
And fears.

AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
And he'll claim,

JEFF
"It's me, not you."

TAKEOUT GUY
Though we all know that that's not true.

JEFF
Then you’ll look at me and burst into tears.
To your…

JEFF, AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
Surprise!

JEFF
I’ll stop and listen.
‘Cause no guy.
Wants to make a girl cry.

AUSTIN
Boo!

TAKEOUT GUY
Hoo!

JEFF
But then you’ll cry every day.
I’ll pretend it
’Sa phase.
But then I’ll freak out
And end it.

AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
Aww!

JEFF
Sadly that is how this all ends.

AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
Oh!

JEFF
You will go and tell all your friends,
I must be gay
To walk away
From a perfect girl like you.
Now your friends all hate me too.
But I just did what all men do.

AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
That's true.

JEFF
And that's, that's what's gonna happen.

TAKEOUT GUY
It'll fuck everything up!

JEFF
Now I’m broke and feel betrayed,

AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
And he's not even getting laid.

JEFF
That sucks.
And that's, that's what's gonna happen.

AUSTIN
Come on Jeff, bring us home!

JEFF
I know our relationship’s elusive,
But it is better than being exclusive.

JEFF, AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY
And that's,
That’s what’s gonna happen.
Gonna happen, yeah!

Even Though

MARCY
When you first told me that you loved me,
I was more than just a little bit surprised.
But then you left
And I realized
There was something about you,
Something so that I couldn’t live without you.

And even though you’re just a little bit pretentious,
Even though you’re more traditional than my dad,
Even though,
You drove me crazy from hello,
You touch a part of me I didn’t even know I had.
And so,
I need to say I want you anyway
I want you anyway
Even though.

This might not be the perfect way to tell you.
But perfection never was what I did best.
Two months ago I never would have guessed
That I’d compare to you know who
But now I know I belong with you.

And even though I think your way of life is different,
Even though there’s not a single thing we share,
Even though
You’re not like anyone I know,
You take me to a place I didn’t even know was there.
And so,
I need to say I choose you anyway
I choose you anyway
Even though.

The night when I first met you, you were freakish.
Now look at us, we both have come so far.
You’re not different.
I’m not different.
But it’s all together different.
‘Cause I love you in spite of who you are.

And even though
You're so much paler than my dream man,
Even though
You’re such a dork
And I don’t feel the way I should,
Even though,
I should stop, well here I go,
I love you in a way I didn’t even know I could.
And so
I need to say I love you anyway,
I love you anyway
Even though.


But I Do


DIANA
He hurt me hard.
He won’t commit.
He doesn’t believe in
Love, not even
A little bit.
I’m questioning the things I thought i knew to be true.
I don’t know why I love him,
But I do.

MARCY
I wanted him,
‘Cause he was wrong.
I’m not certain how,
But with him now
Is where I belong.
He’s an idiot and a stuffed shirt and a republican too.
I don’t know why I love him,
But I do.

JEFF
She’s like every woman I’ve ever met,
Who say’s casual’s okay.
But they don’t mean what they say.
There’s nothing special about her.
What does she look like? I forget.
I’m certain I’m better off without her.
I don’t need her anyway.

MARCY
I wanted him,
‘Cause he was wrong.
I’m not certain how,
But with him now
Is where I belong.

I don’t know why I love him,

But I do.

DIANA AND MARCY
Why, as soon as you’re comfortable,


You know who you are,
You’ve figured it out,


You’re sure of your ways,
You feel solid and strong,
Then someone comes in
And shows you that you’re wrong.

Why can’t I explain

This aching pain?



DIANA
I’m barley surviving.

DIANA AND MARCY
Why is he driving me insane?


DIANA
All that I know
Says I should leave him,
And go find someone new.

DIANA AND MARCY
I don’t know why I love him.
AUSTIN
Found my love before.
Then she knocks at my door,
With a pout, and teary eyes
That work on weaker men.
I tried to keep my feelings
From bubbling up again.

I don’t need her anyway.

AUSTIN AND JEFF


As soon as you know where you stand,


You’ve got the whole world
In the palm of your hand.
You’re sure of your ways.
You feel solid and strong.
Then someone comes in
And shows you that you’re
Wrong.

AUSTIN
She’s only a woman.

JEFF
There’ll be other women.

AUSTIN
I’m barely surviving.

AUSTIN AND JEFF
Why is she driving me insane?

JEFF
I don’t need that woman.
All that I know
Says I should leave her
And go find someone new



AUSTIN AND JEFF
I don’t need her anyway.


DIANA
But I do.

JEFF
But I do.

MARCY
But I do.

What Do We Do It For

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
Somewhere there are birds
Singing sweet lovely songs.
And a guy tells a girl in her arms he belongs.
People say, “You’ll find the one,
If you just look we guarantee.”
Well, I’ve looked and looked and looked and looked.
But there’s no one for me.

BARTENDER
Don’t I know it.
I’ve searched this whole island,
Queens and Brooklyn,
Even Hoboken.
But for some of us
Our only true guarantee
Is that our hearts get bro-o-o-o-ken.

MARCY
Jersey?

BARTENDER
I got on the wrong train.
Back in the first grade,
I knew this girl.
There was some magic
In the notes that we passed.
One day while playing in the sand
I made a move to hold her hand.
She said, “I think that things are moving to fast.”

DIANA
Tease.

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
One time in high school.
I had a crush.
So I thought I’d ask him out to the prom.
But he said, “Ya know what honey,
Though you’re charming
And you’re funny.
I love you the way a boy loves his mom.

MARCY
That’s not good.

BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS
Oh why do we do it,
Continue to pursue it
When it ends up hurting us to the core?

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
It’s because though it sounds corny,
You feel love

BARTENDER
Or you feel horny.

BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS
What do we do it for?

MARCY
But it got easier as we get older.

DIANA AND MARCY
Right?

BARTENDER
Yeah right.
I had this good friend that I loved for years.
One day I thought, “This situation must end.”
So I said, “I love you truly.”
And she responded coolly,
“Oh, I love you too, but just as a friend.”

DIANA
Don’t be friends!

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
I met this great guy right here at this bar.
And we talked and talked and talked about life.
Then he said, “My God you’re pretty,
And you’re interesting,
And you’re witty,
You know you remind me a lot of my wife.”

BARTENDER
Sing it girls.

BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY
Why do we do it?
There must be something to it,
That keeps us coming right back for more.

MARCY
This thing love it keeps me guessing.

DIANA
This is getting damn depressing.

ALL
What do we do it for?

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
We try and try and try,
It’s as if the God’s up in the sky hate us.

DIANA
Sing child.

BARTENDER
It’s now so bad that I
Am going on a dating hiatus.

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
Ooo hoo I hear you.

DIANA
I think there is a curse.

MARCY
You know I’m certain of it because.

DIANA
Testify.

MARCY
Just when it can’t get worse.
Lookie here.

DIANA
Fuck me!

BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY
It does.

BARTENDER
I’ll wait here
Alone at this bar.
With each drink it’s more depressing and sad.

COCKTAIL WAITRESS
Maybe I should give up dating
‘Cause I feel like I’m just waiting
For a guy to say,
“You look like my dad.”

MARCY
Oh!

BARTENDER
Oh!

DIANA
Oh!

BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY
We keep at it,
Even though we’ve had it,
And the signs are getting hard to ignore.

MARCY
They’re all saying, “Ha, ha, got you.

DIANA Love’s for people who are not you.”

BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY
What do we do it for?

BARTENDER
You ladies want another round?

DIANA
Sure.

BARTENDER
Okay, We’ll just take it out of her tips.
Yes, but then again
You just never know.
In a moment he might walk through that door.

MARCY
Then he’d stop my heart from sinking

DIANA
And my head from over thinking.

BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS
That’s what we do it for.

BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY
That’s why we do it
Why we put our poor selves through it.
That’s what we do it…
For!

DIANA
Marcy.

MARCY
Let’s go.

Marcy’s Yours

DIANA
I know you’re hurt.
And right now you want to do, what comes easy,
And not risk, what seems secure.
You can insert
Catherine right into your ideal life.
But is that what you’re looking for?
Easy might be easy.
But you want more.

We all need someone
Who makes us question what we know.
They’ll stretch your limits.
if you don’t stretch you’ll never grow.
We all need someone who can open up new doors.
Jeff is mine.
Marcy’s yours.

JEFF
When we first met
I just wanted to get in her pants.
But after a while,
I still wanted to get into her pants.
But then i got in her pants
And I wondered,
“What if I gave this a chance?”
Nothing could have prepared me
For the way I felt,
The way it scared me.

We all need someone
Who will see that we’re bizarre,
And love us anyway,
‘Cause they see who we really are.
I was lost in a canoe,
I needed someone I love to bring me oars.
Diana’s mine.
Marcy’s yours.

DIANA
What did you just say?

JEFF
It was just a stupid metaphor.

DIANA
No, you said you loved me.

JEFF
I did!
You’re the person I want to be better for

DIANA
You better have meant it and it better not be
Just an accidental blunder.

JEFF
Bull! I meant it.

DIANA
You did?

JEFF
And it feels wonderful.

DIANA
We all need someone

DIANA AND JEFF
Who admits that we’re odd,
And loves us anyway
‘Cause they see through our façade.

DIANA
You’ll finally feel as though,
You’ve got your ducks all in a line
.
JEFF
They’re wrong for you, even so
Their voice sends shivers down your spine.

DIANA AND JEFF
You try to keep them out, but they know,
To look through the tarnish, right to the shine.

DIANA
Jeff,

JEFF
Diana,

DIANA AND JEFF
I’m yours.

AUSTIN
Marcy’s mine.

Goodbye

AUSTIN
Marcy,
Marcy’s mine.
And I’m hers.
And it’s true
She isn’t perfect.
And that’s fine.
But what happens now
To the life I thought I knew?

I had my whole life planned out.
There was no surprise to speak of.
I knew without a doubt
What life was all about.
But now I’m caught because I’m choosing
Between the life I may be losing
And Marcy, who I love.

I try to stay the course
I think of Marcy and I wander.
There’s this pulling aching force.
And I'm certain of the source.
At first I did my best to completely destroy it.
Now I’m starting to enjoy it.

Is this goodbye to knowing my next move?
Goodbye to knowing where I stand?
This change isn’t small.
Do I go back on all
I‘ve planned?
And say, “Hello” to uncertain mornings.
Just awake and take it from there.
But i may regret
This choice ‘cause I’m reeling.
It’s too much to bet
On a whim
That i’m feeling.
Too much is resting on my
Saying, “Goodbye.”

But then there’s Marcy
Who sees who I am
And still has the nerve to care.
I know that Marcy
Won’t give a damn
If I plan my life out
Or leave it up to chance
Or set up shop on the moon.
She’ll love me anyway.
So I say,

“Goodbye”
To my expectations.
“Goodbye”
To everything I know.
No rules to obey
So I’ll wake every day and I’ll go
Full steam into who knows what?
Who cares?
As long as Marcy’s by my side.

I used to just do
What was planned and prepared
I wouldn’t trust chance,
Because I was too scared.
But Marcy is my reason
Now to try.

So to who I used to be
And the life I thought I wanted.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye!

I Love You Because

AUSTIN
Marcy, look at you.
You make decisions
Without thinking twice.
In fact, barely once.
Marcy, look at you.
You go see a show without checking the listings.
You join a new club each day,
And the next day change your mind.
That once drove me crazy
That that’s who you were.
But that’s who you are.

I love you because
You’re not the person i dreamed of at all.
I love you because
You make me feel like a fool.
You don’t do what’s expected.
You’re handed a rule,
And it’s quickly rejected.
And it’s easy to say,
“I love you anyway.”
But I don’t.
I love you because.

MARCY
Austin look at you,
With your big goofy smile,
And freshly pressed shirt,
And constant tie.
Austin look at you.
You want what is quiet and structured and normal
I tried to say that’s okay,
But it all came out all wrong.
It would have gone better,
If only I said
What you just said to me.

I love you because
You’re not the person i dreamed of at all.
I love you because
You have too many reasons behind
Your every move and decision.
You make up you mind
With routine and precision.
And it’s easy to say,
“I love you anyway.”
But I don’t.
I love you because.

AUSTIN
People will call us insane.
Insane to love someone who’s so clearly wrong.
But now it seems that wrong
Is the right way to go.

MARCY
People will say that we’re crazy.
Crazy to fall for each other but
Then again, what do they know?

AUSTIN AND MARCY
I pushed you away, you weren’t at all
The person I wanted to answer my call.
The things I used to question
I’m seeing anew.

MARCY
I wanted someone like me.

JEFF
Who wouldn’t ask hard questions.

DIANA
Who'd share all my thoughts.

AUSTIN
Who'd share all my fears.

AUSTIN, DIANA, JEFF, AND MARCY
Now all I want
Is to be here with you.

I love you because
You’re not the person i dreamed of at all.
I love you because
You push me a direction
That I thought was closed.
You’re the answer to a question
That I never posed.

ALL
And it’s easy to say,
“I love you anyway.”

MARCY
But I won’t say,
“I love you anyway.”

AUSTIN
And I’ll never say,

ALL
“I love you anyway.”

AUSTIN, DIANA, JEFF AND MARCY
‘Cause I don’t.
I love you because.

track listing
 
  1. Another Saturday Night in New York
  2. What a Difference
  3. The Actuary Song
  4. But I Don’t Want to Talk About Her
  5. Coffee
  6. The Perfect Romance
  7. Because of You
  8. We’re Just Friends
  9. Maybe We Just Made Love
  10. Just Not Now
  11. Alone
  12. That’s What’s Gonna Happen
  13. Even Though
  14. But I Do
  15. What Do We Do It For?
  16. Marcy’s Yours
  17. Goodbye
  18. I Love You Because
 


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